great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
