I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
