Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
