This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
