I hate all girls vehemently.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
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This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
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How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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