I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
