I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
