we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
