Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
