If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
