the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
