You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
