can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
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