I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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