This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
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The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
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Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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