I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
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yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
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