planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
