Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
