A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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