Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
