Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
