weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
