you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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