Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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