ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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