is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
