fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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