i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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