Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
