everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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