She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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