I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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