yea but for you.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Smaller, yet meaner.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.