They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED