the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
she peed on how many people?
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.