it's like her boobs came off with her bra
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets