i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options