i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"