I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
they're like a gay fantastic four
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
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Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
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You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.