Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
25 People Confess Their Favorite Way To Annoy Their Significant Other
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
These 21 Women Share What Sexual Harassment In The Military Is Really Like
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me