insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.