ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
