Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
