I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Randomize
