So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
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