Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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