Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
