Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
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i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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