maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
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I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
My life is pants optional.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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