every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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