She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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