What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
