had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
