This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
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