I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
