just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
