Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
