god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
false alarm. still invincible.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Randomize
