I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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