the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
