Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
