Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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