rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
