I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
