remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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