Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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