I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
