How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
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I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
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Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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