My first STD was from a foam party
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
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