The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
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I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
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Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
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