Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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